If You Wouldn’t Ask Them for Advice, Don’t Take Their Criticism

There’s a moment that catches you off guard.

A passing comment. A side glance. A subtle dig wrapped in a smile.

And suddenly you’re second-guessing everything you were just feeling good about.

If you’re like me and especially if you’re wired like an Enneagram 2, criticism can hit deep. Not because you don’t have a backbone, but because you care. You want to be seen accurately. You want to be understood. And more than anything, you want to feel emotionally safe in your relationships.

But here’s something I’ve had to learn (and relearn):

If you wouldn’t go to someone for wisdom, encouragement, or grounded advice…

you don’t need to carry the weight of their criticism either.

Not every opinion is sacred.

Not every voice deserves a seat at the table of your self-worth.

There’s a difference between being open and being unprotected.

You can be soft and still have boundaries. You can be loving and still be discerning.

The questions I ask myself before I let criticism get the best of me are:

• Do they truly know me?

• Have they earned the right to speak into my heart?

• Would I trust them with something tender?

If the answer is no, then you’re allowed to thank them silently and keep walking.

Because sometimes, criticism isn’t guidance.

It’s projection.

It’s discomfort with your growth.

It’s confusion about who you’re becoming, especially if who you’re becoming doesn’t need their validation anymore.

The healthier I get, the more I value feedback from people who love me and challenge me.

People who want my wholeness, not just my compliance.

People who see my heart, not just my habits.

People who say, “Hey, I see something here,” and offer truth with care.

So here’s the filter I use now:

If I wouldn’t trust them to guide me through something hard, I don’t give their opinion power to shape me.

Your growth is sacred.

Your change is allowed.

And your boundaries? They’re a form of self-respect, not selfishness.

You don’t have to be open to everyone.

Just open to the ones who truly want to see you thrive.